I’ve finally paid off all my credit card bills! Yaay! A very Merry Christmas to me!
Tomorrow, I’m going to throw away my old Iphone. I’m actually not really getting rid of it, but I will be getting a new phone and a new plan that will be lower than the one I have now.
It’s all to save some extra money. I’ll be doing nothing but saving, saving, saving from now on. I’ve got no other choice, but I still need to have a phone with me at all times, just in case. Next month coming up, I’ll be looking for another job. Deciding on a lot of things right now. Had a serious talk with my mother and she sees how frustrated I am at work. Nothing is working right for me!
I told her I can’t focus on multiple tasks at the same time: it’s either one or the other. I can’t work full-time at a dead end job and edit my novel. I can’t work full-time and make a film. Somewhere along the way, something is going to suffer. The quality of my work will suffer due to stress and everything will go to hell in a hand basket.
She knows I’m a perfectionist. She knows I won’t post anything online, unless it’s perfect. Even seeing the old book trailer for NR is hard for me sometimes, because I know I can do so much better than that. I had done it in a hurry, since I was mad about something––can’t remember what it was, but I made it in like a few hours. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t do everything on my own!
Directing and writing I can handle, even editing I can do. However, I can’t act to save my own life and I don’t ever want to be in front of a camera. I can’t do everything by myself! One of these days, I’m going to have to hire people to help me––a crew is what I need. My mother believes I can do anything I put my mind to; however, times are hard and I need to be wiser with my money. One thing remains true, I can’t do multiple things at once. I’m not multitasked! I never will be.
If I want the quality of my work to stay the same, I need to sacrifice something. The only way I’m ever going to finish my novel (s) is if I actually quit my job and focus on them. That’s how I did it for the first novel. I wasn’t working and spent months trying to find an editor and an artist to work with. After all that, I spent at least a month or so, editing the damn thing myself. I woke up every single day at 8 a.m. in Burbank, California (6 a.m. in Eastern Time) and re-read and revised until 10 or 11 p.m. until it was just right.
Even after that crazy month of repeat and rinse cycle… I still found mistakes once I edited it and got the second book proof. The proof that I decided to publish. I was lucky enough to get a third chance to fix whatever mistakes I had––also, Amazon had messed up my cover and that took about a whole week to get that under control. Not to mention, Amazon had my entire book for anyone to read (despite the disclaimer for Mature), so anyone could’ve read my entire book from front to back, without buying it or paying me a dime. I had to call them to tell them to stop that. Now, if I was working a full-time job, do you really think I’d have the time to do that running around? By the time I finished working a 8-10 hour shift, I’d be too exhausted to even call Amazon.
Too exhausted to do diddly-squat. I couldn’t imagine having children of my own: writing a book, working, making dinner, and then taking care of their needs before mine. I’m sure a lot of writers or authors do that––but I’d just drive myself insane. Kudos to those who can raise children and multitask––I’m sure your work doesn’t suffer one bit, does it? You did have to sacrifice something though? Oh right, your needs as well. Unless, you’re rich or have a husband to support you through and through, then you’re probably all right. To the single mothers out there, please don’t give up on your dreams!
A lot of you are probably wondering why I don’t manage my time more wisely. Well, actually I do manage my time… except my schedule fluctuates, so no. I cannot manage my time when my schedule is always changing. I can’t dedicate one hour of editing per day. I can’t dedicate one hour of writing. My mind doesn’t work like that. One hour turns into two, then three, then six hours go by like that. So, there you go. Time management does not work on a perfectionist. Never. :| I’ve wasted two hours alone on just writing this post, editing it, spell checking it, saving it, and then perfecting it. And then, I added some more…
I won’t be buying any more comic books for myself––I think I’ve done enough damage for a year. Won’t be wasting my time and my money on junk, only on the things I seriously need to buy, to survive. Food, water, you name it! I finally have power in my room again. It’s a long story… the power in my room wasn’t working for at least a week, due to a bad outlet. It’s been replaced, so I have light and heat restored.
I probably won’t be back to WordPress until February… or until I actually have some good news to report. Or I may return when I finish my trilogy and volume 4 of NR. Or maybe when they’re close to the publishing stages. Then, that’s when I might have something important to say. Haven’t decided if I’ll hang around DA that much. I do get distracted a lot these days and with so much going around, I’ve got my work cut out for me.
I wish things were simpler, but that’s not how life is. My mother says I could take a break off work to catch up on some things, like the writing and what not… and yet with money being so tight these days, I can’t really afford it. At least when I get out of my old cellphone plan, it’ll help a bit with the money. What else could I sacrifice? I still have to pay off my insurance for my car, my healthcare bill, and then there’s the dental every month. That’s pretty much all I’ve got at the moment.
There’s so many decisions swirling around in my mind that it’s actually giving me a headache. I’m trying to outweigh the pros and the cons. Should I stay with my job or should I go searching for another?
THE PROS & CONS OF STAYING AT A DEAD END JOB:
- The pay sucks greatly and it’s not enough to keep me afloat for very long. I’d have to work at two jobs to afford anything…
- I feel like my talents are being wasted. Sweeping up floors isn’t the highlight of my day.
- It’s very stressful at times. A lot of pressure to be 100% accurate all the time.
- No chance of ever moving up in the company. NOT A CHANCE!
- Even if I do move to another department, there’s no guarantee that it will be a full-time position.
- My schedule fluctuates like the wind.
- I’m given no extra training to move forward. I’m not challenged enough.
- Too much rivaling and drama.
- Too much gossiping.
- Too much favoritism.
- Have to ask permission for everything: restroom, breaks, change, and so on.
- I learn humility.
- I learn to be patient. Let’s just say, I was never a patient person to begin with.
- I learn how to interact with people from all different types of backgrounds.
- I learn how to make new friends and keep some of the old ones.
- I learn how to pretty much tolerant almost anything.
- And sometimes, I learn how to have fun.
My Major Tasks Include:
- Saving up for the future!
- Still have to finish my trilogy.
- Still have to finish the 4th book as well. :(
- Still have to look for an editor and then decide if I’m going to hire them. Or not…
- Still have to look for another job with a higher paycheck and better benefits.
- Still have to make a contract for the artist I plan on hiring.
- Still have to decide what kind of graphic novel I’m going to work on.
- Still have to edit my novels.
- Still have to decide when to publish my novels after I finish them. :|
Oh! Did I mention, I have to make a list of what I need to make my film projects?
STUFF TO MAKE AN INDEPENDENT FILM:
- I need money to fund the project and trailers.
- I need another camera. Probably thinking of getting a GoPro soon.
- Haven’t even bought my editing software. Still researching the damn thing.
- Seriously need to find me some actors. Don’t know where I’m going to find them (either online or in real life) or how they’re getting paid for that matter… but I need to find actors who look the part as well as act the part.
- Need a location and probably a location scout.
- Need a film permit.
- Need a crew.
- Need props.
Someone please wake me up when it’s all over… or when I’m good and dead.