This is me since I’ve made no sales whatsoever last month…now it’s July 1st.
Here’s my expectations for the future. Hopefully, send out more business cards, receive more sales, more reviews, and a growing fanbase.
And then there’s reality… Zero sales, zero reviews, and nobody knows who the hell I am…
That’s the life of a writer folks! Not the glamorous lifestyle you were all hoping for. I bet! I expected sales to be down this month due to A.) not being able to find a job, despite going to the job fair, B.) the problems I had with Createspace trying to get my book cover fixed, C.) Financial strain is kicking in after I bought my camera and equipment (still haven’t gotten the tripod), D.) I haven’t been able to promote it due to both B. and C. I also have E.) for the house is under major construction for two months due to termite raids. Then, there’s F.) I watched a true story and did research on a subject, which opened up a whole can of worms, including horrific tales (and images) that I cannot get out of my head.
I used to love reading autobiographies, including nonfiction books.
NOT ANYMORE!!!! I’ll probably still read some of them anyway, especially inspiring stories of hope and overcoming through against all obstacles. Let’s just say…I haven’t been able to sleep properly for days, only taking in less than 5 hours of sleep which is abnormal for me, because I used to love sleeping in for a full 8 hours. G.) And last but not least, a combination of everything going haywire, including the worst month for sales.
I’m so exhausted right now I don’t know how I’m writing this post with my eyes barely open. I know these factors are horrible situations. Would I go as far as calling them excuses, probably not. The only good news in amidst the chaos of my life and trying to be a humanitarian for social change…I can tell you is that I’ve been editing and reworking/rewriting the sequel to Nightmarish Reality like a psychopath! Yes, call me crazy. But how am I still kicking, you ask?
This is what you think I should look like. Dead as a doornail!
But instead I’m like this now! Exercising 2 hours a day or more.
However, my emotions are through the roof… Unstable & Unstoppable!
I think my mother is beginning to worry about me though. She’s noticed a change in my behavior these past few days. I walk or run every morning starting at 6-7 a.m. and every night at 7-8 p.m. My entire body is freaking sore, but I still am walking. Anger is a powerful tool, but so is change. It’s only yesterday that my body just shutdown and I had to rest. Editing is still slow for me, despite that I’ve been working so much that my hands are killing me. The pain is still there, and yet I feel that I can get through it. I need to reach my goal and finish despite all obstacles! I’m using my anger and frustration constructively. I wrote a great chapter where seeing a bad character die was the greatest satisfaction ever!
I think my friends are getting worried too in many ways. I understand how they feel, since I’ve expressed myself to them. I even had one friend, who so cares about me he told me to stop writing fiction deaths and use love instead. I told him I need to do this or I’ll go insane. In my mind, I was telling him to “!@#$%^ Off!” and let me write whatever the hell I want. No one should tell a writer what to write! Period!
That’s just my beliefs and I leave it at that. I’m not an unloving person, incapable of compassion and kindness. If that’s what people think, then they’ve got it completely wrong. Yes, I’m cynical in some ways, but not everyday. If I want a good revenge story, I’ll kill as many fictional characters as possible.
Letting go of that rage and sadness is much better than keeping it inside to fester. Sometimes in my stories love is the main goal, to achieve acceptance and understanding. Through best intentions can the worst come out of people who are willing to do anything to get their hands on it. On the other hand, I’m a writer of much darker and controversial writing material, hoping to reach an audience who isn’t afraid of reading something out of their comfort zone. Through this I hope to give more insight and depth to all my characters while at the same time discuss moral issues facing humanity, the world, and topics that need to be discussed …and yet people tend to avoid them because of fear or because it’s taboo.
Even my positive stories that contain themes of hope, love, and friendship have underlining deep-rooted controversy that sometimes pushes the button. I’m hoping that button doesn’t lead to a nuclear explosion that wipes out mankind for good, even though I believe a gigantic asteroid would do a better job in the extermination of humanity, but I digress… 😐
Well, it looks like that will do it for me… for the time being. My level of explosive rage these past few days has been going down a bit. For me, I just listen to a lot of Michael Jackson songs. Music seems to be the Achilles’ Heel that actually calms me down. I’m now on chapter 3 of Nightmarish Revelations. It doesn’t seem like much at the start, but for me this is wonderful. Once I work, I can’t stop. I’m going slow and steady, editing just one chapter per day. Once I get my body and mind in tuned with a normal routine, it’ll get hot and heavy from then on.