“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss,
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger:
But O, what damnèd minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!”
(Act 3, scene 3, 165–171)
― William Shakespeare, Othello
I’ve been out of the loop these days. Still trying to be patient…still waiting for something to happen. Hoping to receive my business cards this week, hoping the crews finish my room (so I can move in) and definitely hoping that my tripod comes in the mail soon as well. It’s been a month and a half people. Luckily, I have the camera, because God knows if I didn’t get that I’d be smashing stuff with a hammer and flailing around like an idiot. He knows I’m not a very patient person… 😐
Anyway, I think this discussion gets downplayed a lot. We’re all guilty of this in some point of our lives. We’re all human! As a writer you’re probably going to face a lot of problems: writer’s block, deadlines, procrastination, editing/revising, fear, rejection, doubt/worry, query letters, finding an agent, book publishers, self-publishing, advertising, other writers, and the list goes on and on. These difficulties will never go away. They will be forever engraved upon writers before us and surely new writers after us as humanity evolves. You’ll have to develop a thick skin, because you may get screwed either way, if you do or you don’t.
The most important problem that all writers must handle is JEALOUSY!
Jealousy has been around since the beginning of time. If you’re a religious person, you’ll probably remember the story of how Lucifer was the most beautiful angel of all, until he became jealous of God and wanted to be like God. Thus, starting a war in Heaven of epic proportions. Then, don’t forget the story of Cain and Abel. How Cain was jealous of his younger brother, for God refused his offerings but accepted Abel’s offerings instead. This lead Cain to eventually kill his younger brother in a fit of rage.
As writers we’ll be faced with many obstacles. If we’re successful in life, green-eyed monsters will always turn up when you least expect it. Most of them are harmless and will give you a few horrible reviews. But then there are certain ones who can be very dangerous and actually mean to hurt, maim, or kill you. If we writers are not careful, we may end up as the green-eyed monster ourselves, without even realizing it. Writers are people…and people can kill you for having something they don’t, for even as little as the shirt on your back.
Here are some steps that might help writers with jealousy and Green-Eyed Monsters. First of all…what is jealousy? I would hope everyone would know this, but let’s pretend that you don’t.
- jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
- mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
- vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
- a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.
WHAT ARE THE SIGNS THAT YOU’RE A GREEN-EYED MONSTER?
(This can be universal to you and other writers as well)
- You consider opponent (writer/celebrity) a threat.
- You always compare yourself to that (celebrity/writer), especially all goals, fame, number of books sold, fanbase/popularity, and so on.
- You constantly try to either contact, befriend, or stalk that (writer/celebrity) by phoning, emailing, or checking out their blog. So, you can find out what he/she is doing at all times in order to be one step ahead of the game.
- You always try doing the same exact things as this (writer/celebrity), maybe even acting/behaving like them.
- Whenever you don’t get the same results or level of fame as that other (writer/celebrity) then feelings such as worthlessness, failure, shame, and anger emerge.
- You are quick to judge (writer/celebrity) as soon as they make a mistake in their life or some typos in a book.
- You mean to do them harm, whether it’s tarnishing their reputation with lies or writing several bad reviews about their bestselling books.
- You want them (writer/celebrity) to like or notice you, despite the fact that you’d rather see them die first.
- You feel superior to them (writer/celebrity), maybe even arrogant.
- You constantly believe or state that you should be more famous, popular, or earn more money as (writer/celebrity).
- You are never grateful or satisfied with what you have.
- You always complain about your lot in life.
- You make up excuses for yourself as to why you can’t do certain things as (writer/celebrity).
- You feel sorry for yourself all the time.
- You are always drawing attention to yourself.
- You want to feel loved and be special.
- You are extremely lonely.
- You often scare or drive other people away.
- You don’t like to open yourself to others and mostly keep to yourself, because you’re afraid of what others will think of you.
- You have low self-esteem issues and suffer from depression, including suicidal thoughts.
- You are too demanding.
- You are too demeaning.
- You are too judgmental of others.
- You are too vain and prideful.
- You like to manipulate people and make them feel sorry for you.
- You like to put other writers down, so you can bring yourself up and feel better about yourself.
- You are too ignorant and blinded in your ways that you cannot see a better life for yourself, without the fame, fortune, and money.
If you’re still suffering from jealousy after reading this article, then please seek medical attention like a psychiatrist. Jealousy may even stem as far as childhood, sometimes starting with sibling rivalry. If you have a jealous stalker who means you harm, please call the police and report it. The sooner, the better.
HOW TO TAME AND CURE THE BEAST?
- Learn humility.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s annoying!
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself all the damn time. That’s just as bad as #2.
- Don’t be proud or arrogant (be humble).
- Be grateful for what you have, even if it’s not much.
- Find small achievements that you accomplished all on your own.
- Be kind to other people and other writers.
- Don’t be rude to people.
- Don’t be so judgmental of other people’s mistakes, because you’re not perfect either.
- Find some peaceful religion or ritual (that’s not a cult) to occupy your time.
- Find a hobby.
- Go outside and live.
- Meet other people and make friends, but make sure you know what the definition of a friend is beforehand.
- Don’t be so selfish.
- Don’t use or take advantage of people.
- Be thankful for the little things such as a smile or a friendly “Hello, how are you?” greeting.
- Stop being so full of yourself. You’re not superior to others.
- Stop trying to control things you cannot control, such as the weather or how your hair looks.
- If you don’t like something about yourself, fix it. If you’re overweight, get some exercise.
- Learn about forgiveness and forgive others who have treated you horribly.
- Learn to move on with your life.
- Help those less fortunate than yourself, such as the homeless or other writers, who are struggling as well.
- Learn to be patient. Things don’t happen overnight.
- Know your weaknesses and your strengths. Once you realize you can’t do everything, the better, because everyone has their own set of skills and talents they were born with.
- Learn to write and practice writing. Those who often brag and boast about their writing (or abilities), don’t really do the necessary steps it takes to write or learn from it.
- Have confidence in yourself and abilities, but don’t be too confident.
- Set a schedule and realistic goals for yourself.
- Learn to love others as well as yourself.
- Give yourself some credit. At least you’ve got your health and you’re still alive, right?
- Give yourself breaks and time to relax.
- Stop over-stressing and overreacting. Don’t be a Drama Queen.
- Erase all negative thoughts from your brain. Get rid of that negativity!
- Be yourself, not someone else.
- Do what you love and have a passion for, not what others are doing in the heat of the moment. Don’t follow the trend!