Construction is going very slowly here. Time seems to stand still, and yet I feel as if my entire life is passing me by. If I blink, I’ll surely miss it. I need to act now and do what I can before it’s too late. The construction crews are seriously dragging the simple, little tasks…it took them two weeks to paint a door. I don’t know when I’ll be able to move into my new room. Probably never. Don’t know when they’ll move that big dumpster out of the way, so I can actually drive my own car. My car has been stuck in the garage for three months now. Sometimes I’ll drive my mother’s car, which is so-so. It’s 7:15 in the morning, but by the time I finish this post it’ll be around 9. I’ll be trying to get back to work.
Yesterday…or two mornings ago, I was able to edit two more chapters. I have about 24 chapters to edit. It’s just difficult right now to find alone time. If I had my own room, I’d be editing all day. Will need to see if I can get a desk or something in my room, but there’s limited space, so we’ll see how that goes. I need a lot of space as a writer.
On a serious note, I’ve found out who my real friends are in the process of struggling to find my own way. I’ve decided to walk away from them, since they really could care less about what’s going on in my life. Maybe online social networking is making people more selfish? Yes, that’s a question mark. I’ve decided to stay far away from facebook and many other sites like it. Friends who were never around to begin with seem to now want a lot of attention. I try to keep connected with some of them, but I’m often given the cold shoulder. So, I’m going to leave everyone and everything behind.
When times are hard, especially when I have no job and writing is the only way to express myself, I tend to feel left behind. The people who I knew have extremely hectic lives. Many of them have their dream jobs and are now starting families (or businesses) of their own, or have become popular…maybe even famous online film producers/celebrities. Who knows? They never drop me a line. So, they don’t really need someone like me dragging them down. Besides, I don’t have any fancy titles. Writer wouldn’t be a title nor struggling artist or independent wannabe film director, but I guess it’s a start… Having a job really used to define me as a hardworking individual. Now, I’m just considered a loser or a homeless bum to many of the people around me, who are very successful. I’ve become a stigma, part of the statistic on the news. I’m someone to avoid at all costs and I’m sure there’s plenty of people who feel the same way.
Maybe I’ll look back on this day and laugh. But right now, I feel an incredible sadness as if there’s a gaping hole in my chest. Once the construction crews move that big boulder out of the driveway, I’ll be able to drive around town, away to freedom in my own car for once! I’d like to go to the library downtown and see if my book was accepted to be on the shelf for local authors. Working on the sequel is extremely hard. I open a chapter and I stare blankly at it for hours…maybe even days or weeks will pass by and nothing changes. You probably wouldn’t believe that I was stuck on chapter 17 for weeks. It’s only 3 pages long folks! It felt like I was editing 40 pages!
Many of the scenes may need to be trimmed down or cut out completely. There’s a lot of switching back and forth from one point of view to another, so I’ve broken it down into sections. I’m hoping this will be enough for readers to understand, because I want to avoid the confusion. Then again, I do have a lot of characters in this sequel and a couple of new ones that might bring in more layers to the story. They aren’t the main focus as of yet, but their presence in one or two chapters will surely have a lasting impression on people.
More ideas about my fantasy series are popping up constantly as the days go by. I’ve put those aside for now until I can finish this sequel and trilogy. I have this bad habit of not focusing on one task. Not to mention, I over-think everything, especially different stories at the same time. My brain is overflowing with stories I want to tell, but with the time and dedication it takes to write them out, they take years to develop. Think of it like this, my brain is a large, black pot or kettle where ideas, characters, and stories simmer inside (usually the left side of the brain is more creative).
They’ll stay there cooking for many years before I decide to write them out. It’s even more frustrating for me as a writer to force a story out of the kettle when it’s not fully cooked or developed…because sometimes when it’s out, it’ll become stagnant and never grow any further. Many times, a story just dies when I’m in the middle of writing it. Rare occasions, if I’m passionate about reviving a fallen dead story I wait for awhile and then later come back to it. Sometimes, it may just need more time, love, and experience to get it going. So, I may put it on the back burner and let it cook some more.
I’m just so overwhelmed with each story, I don’t know when I’ll get the time to finish them all. It’s the curse of being a writer…having so many stories to tell and trying to figure out which one is more important for you to explore. Each of them are swirling around, demanding for attention. I still have characters stuck in my mind to this day and their voices have been there for as long as I could remember. To control and suppress them would be a sin against nature. So, I’m making a so-called timeline of when I want to finish these stories. Hopefully, by then I’ve found a job to help save up. Don’t know if I’ll go into the traditional route as of yet until I completely finish a few more stories.
That reminds me, it’s time for me to get back to work.