Serious Doubts: Thinking About Taking Down The Sequel…

OMG!

Someone I know IRW (In The Real World), has bought Nightmarish Revelations!

...

I should be happy right? But I’m not…

Noooo!

Instead, I’m flipping out.

Not only is this person hard to please and demanding, but she has a sharp eye for detail, finding the most simplest of mistakes. Well, that’s good you say? Why didn’t you hire her to help edit the novel in the first place?

Sweatdrop...

Here’s a funny story… I did hire her. 😐

But, she’s always hard to reach and The #1 Busiest Person In The World. To get her to read, I’d probably have to wait another century or two. Now, that she’s finally on vacation. It only happens barely once a year, she’s able to read the book… sort of. 

Actually, I’m not even sure she’ll read the book on her vacation, but we’ll see how that goes. All I know is… I’ve been thinking about putting the book down to re-edit it some more. I want the sequel to be perfect; however, I know in my heart… this book will never be perfect enough.

However, if she doesn’t like it, I’ll gladly refund her money. I have another person who bought the book, which makes me very happy and also nervous. So, technically, I’m waiting for everyone’s feedback in a sense before making my final decision. It might be like last time with the first novel. There will be some who loved the book and others who hated it.

Work!How do I stop myself from editing the sequel, over and over again, until my fingers bleed? I’ll never finish or move forward if I keep this up!

studying

After I received my second book copy, I spent my vacation time (not relaxing) and editing the hell out of my sequel. I spent 10 days and an additional 3-4 extra days (on my time off the following week) to sit down and read it aloud. I woke up at the crack of dawn and started to read it out loud to myself. Not stopping until 1 a.m. I ate once a day. I didn’t stop to rest. I didn’t sleep one fucking bit. Had less than 4-6 hours of sleep. I kid you not.

I stayed up and revised and revised and revised. If you people saw me edit the fuck out of this book, you’d think I was crazy. No amount of bloodshed, sweat, tears, and heartache could prepare me for how many hours I spent just repeating a sentence over and over again until I couldn’t even speak anymore. Dialogue, plots, chapter rewrites, and everything! I read it word for word, comma by comma, sentence by sentence.

I memorized everything by heart, I could even say it in my sleep… with my eyes closed. In addition, I still didn’t have one editor, holding my hand and telling me what to do. I mean, I did have three people looking over it, a few chapters… but that was it! I have 36 chapters… some didn’t even make it to Chapter 5. They hardly contacted me. Everyone was too busy with their Goddamn lives! Pardon my French. I’m sorry. This isn’t like me…

I know, I know… I don’t expect people to drop everything and help me. They were doing me a big favor, but sometimes people will let you down. The only one who cared enough to edit this book and let’s be honest here IS ME. I’m not saying my book or my life is more important than everybody elses. However, I had to take matters in my own hand. Let’s get this straight, once and for all. I am one person, doing the job of many. I can only do so much.

No one is going to hold your hand and help you self-publish. No one is going to be there 24/7 and help you edit everything. Unless you are publishing traditionally, then you’re the luckiest person in the world! I had to do everything myself. Editing and rewriting is the most exhausting experience ever. I had to make the toughest decisions, and I still go over and wonder if I made the right choices. That my friend is not easy to do.

Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it’s easy to publish. It’s really not. It is the hardest thing to do by yourself. If you think it’s so easy to self-publish, without making one mistake, then you try it for once. I guarantee you, you’ll make so many mistakes you’ll wonder why you’re doing this in the first place. It’ll push you to the limits and test you. You’ll be crying by the end of it. Maybe you’ll be pulling all your hair out by the time you finish.

Self-publishing is easy to do, if you seriously don’t give a shit about your work. It’s easy to do if you don’t give a damn about editing. It’s so simple to do if you don’t care about the quality of your book cover or how your friends feel after reading it. Eh, it’s just a book, you say. Nothing serious.

DepressedFor me now, my novels and comic books are an extensive of me.

Crying..If my books suck… if the quality isn’t up to par, it is all my fault. I have no one to blame but me. That’s a lot of pressure. I hate being rejected. I think everyone hates rejection, but I take it quite personal. These books are a reflection of me. I take it very seriously. If these books have huge blatant mistakes, I have no other choice but to take them down. Now, there’s only so much I can do ’cause I’m not a robot. I am still human.

I did make a promise to myself that I would not take down Nightmarish Reality, after I had already taken it down and fixed the errors. That was different… I had to put it down, but I was able to quickly bring it back with the corrections made. I was able to do that, because I wasn’t working at a job. In my mind, I was done with it forever. After those revisions were set, that was the final straw for me. I had enough!

If I didn’t stop myself in time, Nightmarish Reality would not exist. I had to learn to let everything go… if you hate it, then that’s fine. I stopped caring about what other people thought long ago. I did the best I could with NR and if people are still not happy with that, there’s nothing more I can do about it. I’m sorry, folks… but you try writing a book, editing it, designing/making your cover, formatting it, and selling it. See how much people love you then. If you can succeed, then that’s good for you! You earned it. If not, like so many thousands or millions of authors, then join the club of Unsuccessful Self-Published Authors.

Now that I’m working at a 8-5, I don’t know if I can take Nightmarish Revelations down and put it back up so easily. Maybe the ebook will be easier, that will be up within a few hours… but the paperback would take more than a week. 24-48 hours to get that book proof approved for printing and then I’d still have to order another book proof. That would be my 4th copy. I’ve printed out 3 copies so far. If you think self-publishing is cheap, it’s not! Not for a perfectionist like me.

I'm dead

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4 thoughts on “Serious Doubts: Thinking About Taking Down The Sequel…

  1. Oh, wow. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that worries when someone you know buys your book. I’ve given disclaimers until I’m blue in the face. This book is not for everyone, I try to tell them. “Even though I hate horror, I’m going to read it just because you wrote it,” they say. Then I tell them, “No offense, but I didn’t write this book for you. You are not my target audience. Readers that enjoy dark and scary are who I wrote this for…not you. Seriously, don’t read it.”

    • Exactly! I write for myself and I discuss a lot of taboo subjects that may make people uncomfortable. If they hate it, there’s really nothing I can do about it. Most people will either love or hate it. 🙂

      • That’s the conclusion I’ve finally come to…after many sleepless nights 🙂 Lol I told myself if I couldn’t handle it, then I shouldn’t be a writer. I’m working on the next book, so I guess I made my decision! Thank you for a great post!

      • Yeah true… as writers we have to learn how to take criticism no matter what. There will be some haters or trolls out there, I’m sure. We’re never safe from those kinds of reviews. But just do the best you can and continue with the next book. That’s all we can do. And thank you so much! 😀

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