Is this Writer’s Block? I feel so Behind… in everything…

Report's gone..

I’m so behind in my writing, it’s not even funny anymore.

Work!

With my new job, I’ve been trying to put all my time, effort, and attention into getting everything done correctly.

studying

There’s so much training I have to do, it’s unbelievable. It’ll take me a lifetime to complete it all or remember any of this! Sometimes, I still feel like I’m not being trained properly in a lot of areas. Don’t feel confident enough to do everything on my own, without checking it twice. It’s been a month and I’m nowhere near understanding half of what I do. I got reports and some calculations correct, but I still doubt myself.

Positive Thinking!

Some days aren’t too bad and can be short and painless…

Depressed

Other days can be extremely stressful and frustrating. Most people in this kind of job have 20 something years of experience — I’ve been there one month… it’s a bit overwhelming for me. I barely understand the professional terminology when people talk around me. It’s that confusing.

Last month was probably the worst for me, since I couldn’t do much of anything nor was I much help at all. It was the busiest season. One of my coworkers even yelled at me, but I digress… There’s a lot of pressure to know so much information in a short time span. It’s good to learn something new, but I wish some of my coworkers would be more patient with me. It’s difficult asking some of them questions when you have no idea what you’re doing in the first place. They kind of look at you like you’re an idiot. 😐

On the flip side, there are some people who’ve been very understanding, kind, generous, and quite helpful to me. One lady I didn’t even know gave me a Christmas gift. She came to my rescue when I was nearing the tipping point — almost had a nervous breakdown and was going to walk out of the office to get away from it all. Thank God for her kindness. I’ve had no other formal classes, additional education, nor had any kind of jobs like this one before…ever… in my life! I was in retail for like 7 to 8 years, so that’s all I ever knew. And a love of film! That’s it.

Crying..

Anyway, no biggie.

Sigh...

I’m still grateful I have a job and it pays well, so for now I just have to bear with it and do the best I can. It is complicated, but it’s a better environment than what I’ve experienced before. Sure, it may have its ups and downs, but who doesn’t these days. All jobs are like that. You work with all kinds of people, some nice…others not so nice. You’ve got to take the good with the bad. This post was supposed to be about how I’m struggling to write, and yet I talk about work. I sure do get sidetracked sometimes.

I keep putting off the writing for a lot of reasons. Guess this would count as writing, seeing as I’m not doing much as of now. Funny how that is. I have to make sure I go to bed very early. My work schedule is always mornings now, which is great for me. I prefer waking up earlier in the days and then leaving early. I sometimes have the whole day to do whatever I want; however, I’ve been focused on exercising and losing weight. I lost like ten pounds, because I’ve been disciplining myself not to eat as much and to not eat so late. My workouts are like two or three hours a day.

It makes me tired more, which is good. Maybe on the weekend I’ll do some writing on Nightmarish Reactions. I’m stuck on it again… for some reason. I don’t know what it is, but it’s getting on my nerves. I’ll read a few chapters and feel that something’s missing or it’s not good enough. I don’t know why. I keep thinking I need to add more descriptions, less dialogue, or more dialogue, less descriptions. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Some of the dark scenes I’ve written are really good… my major concern is do they fit in the right chapter or should I place them somewhere else? It’s getting close to 7 p.m. I hate going to bed early, but I’ve got no choice. If I don’t stop myself, I could write all throughout the night if I’m not careful and get no sleep whatsoever. I have a habit of being a night owl.

Anyhoo, goodnight folks!

Sweet Dreams

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