I’m seriously thinking of quitting at this very moment.
Nothing seems to be working. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get the rest of these chapters rewritten or edited. I’ll stare at the words on the screen and just draw a complete blank.
I can’t even look at the novel, without thinking about this all the time…
[insert funny image above]
I question what I’m writing exactly. I don’t have a clue as to what I’m really supposed to be doing. There’s new chapters I’ve inserted in the novel and they all need a serious overhaul. I have to cut out so much crap. Some of these were meant to be in the fourth novel, but since I’m trying to finish the series in these two books… it’s been a pain rewriting them all over again from scratch.
It’s been frustrating to put these in a linear structure that makes sense, even to me. I don’t want to do those info dumps and basically reveal everything in one huge exposition. In many cases, I feel like I’m rushing certain scenes or events. Getting through backstory, even though there are some characters that I really want to see die, doesn’t seem to be helping me whatsoever. There’s other scenes where I’ve done research on, but I may have to do more and I just don’t want to… I kind of want the suffering to end.
Not to mention, thoughts of doubt and not being good enough to finish these last two novels have kept me from getting anything done lately. I’m pretty much alone in this, since no one in my family cares about my writing. They don’t see it as a real struggle––they just all think I’m crazy. Maybe I am crazy.
I told my mother a couple times that I couldn’t write and that it’s driving me insane. She’s like, “Yeah, okay. Sure honey.” Like it was no big deal.
It’s like why do I even bother talking to them at all…
Nobody understands a damn thing about what I’m saying anyway. Still haven’t spoken to my sister, except that one time… she sent me a random text, before she went on her trip to Indonesia. I don’t know why she’s over there. I guess, she’s on vacation. Don’t ask me why.
Regardless of what happens, I don’t feel like talking to her. Maybe in a couple years of silence, say 50 years, then I’ll feel much better. I’ve never felt comfortable with discussing anything to her, since she feels she’s better and superior to me in every way. Oh well. Life goes on.
I’ll be off now, playing dead somewhere in my room… LOL XD!