Perfectionism Kills! Dealing With Procrastination, Headaches, And Blurry Vision…

Waiting Here...

I’m trying so hard not to lose it, folks.  I really am…

Still waiting for my glasses. No word on anything as of yet. They better call me or I’m going to be so upset.


Until I get my glasses, I haven’t been able to edit NR after Ch 8. Not even once!

It sucks so badly right now. I’ve been retouching Nicoy’s drawings in Photoshop and I can’t stop adjusting a little lighting here or saturating a color there. I dunno if my vision is that bad or what, but I keep fixing things. I’m stuck in the Editing Loop (like before), but to me, it’s called Perfectionism. Most days, I feel like I’m just procrastinating …waiting for the inevitable doom that is to befall me soon. I am my worst critic.

“Well, you’re writing now, so why can’t you edit?” you say.

Yes. As you can tell I’m still writing posts on my blog and even posting current twitter trends practically every day or every hour it seems, but it’s not so hard you see. I just click retweet and send and it’s as simple as that. With one finger too! It’s so amazing. I’m sure lots of people could do that…

That’s all I can do right now. I can read some articles online, but not for very long because I start feeling dizzy. I can even do some Photoshop as well. Most times I can send a tweet if I’m using my phone or my Ipad, since the screens aren’t too bright. I can adjust the brightness, but I still strain my eyes in the process.

It’s probably a horrible excuse, I know. Terrible excuse. I should be writing and editing no matter what, even if I’m blind. But guess what, I can’t see without my glasses and I would like to see what I’m editing, because I certainly don’t want to miss anything important… even if I have the text at 300%. This is just a temporary thing and unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about it. Combined with having to wear glasses that are like six years old and the thought of not accomplishing much due to this need of having to fix everything. Not to mention, having blurred vision… it’s becoming quite difficult to even look at a chapter.

However, I need time away from my computer, because just staring at the white blank screen is enough to hurt my eyes and give me a headache or a serious migraine. It’s kind of painful. I’ve written in notebooks, but I still need my glasses to retype the darn thing. It’s even worse staring at a blank sheet of paper and having to hold the page right up to your nose while squinting. This gives me a lot of trouble, because I can’t think afterwards. I have to go take pain killers and rest my eyes, which puts me out all day. Which is why I haven’t done much. Even my mother, who had gotten a new pair of reading glasses had to wait, until she got her new ones last week. She couldn’t see either and couldn’t do any reading or writing herself.

Getting headaches are no fun…I’m getting a headache just looking at my screen. I could dim it down to the lowest brightness and it still bothers my eyes. Which is why I can’t wait for my new glasses, for they’ll have anti-glare, so I can look at the screen longer and not burn out my eyes. I’m hoping I’ll get them next week, so I can finally finish NR.


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